The Self will have you believing the most absurd things, from the fact you are a concert pianist, to the fact you no longer want to live on the earth plane. Each one of us has layers of unused and unreleased energy within us from previous lives – experiences which we have run away from and avoided, experiences which have been painful and exhausting. As I have raised my vibration, each fear I have faced and each experience I have gone through has enabled me to see the Self in all its glory and what it will do to stop us in our tracks from moving forward. It is ruthless. It lives in fear and it can also drive us away from reality into the deep recesses of our being where we create fantasy and truly believe we are someone other than we are.
How can we deal with it though? The answer for me was drugs, which I finally had to be weaned from slowly. I loved the feeling I had with them so much that I actually hid them in the toilet cistern wrapped in foil. Of course eventually I did give them up, but it was such a struggle. Alan says constantly that I am a strong woman and I think I must be to have gone through all I have experienced in my life and survived until now. However, I have also been blessed with the knowledge of the Self. It is this knowledge that assisted me to not go back inside of myself again – which I could have so easily have done over the years – as I had to face many unpleasant things.
I have the deepest understanding for anyone with mental illness. It is indeed; “The dark night of the soul” in every way. However, until we can understand the Self part of us, face our fears, and understand why the Self does what it does, we will never be free of mental illness. Although drugs can assist us with it, they can sometimes make it worse rather than better, and I have seen a lot of this over the years also.