Emotions – Continued

Looking back over my life, I can see so many times – thousands if not millions of times – when my Self had control and squeezed each emotion for all it was worth. Often this was done in public. After all, with my Moon  (emotions) in Leo (emotions colored by Leo, the starmaker, the drama queen), why would it not be in public? In past lives I had felt unworthy and a “nobody;” I wanted to be a “somebody.” The Self would get noticed by acting out its pain in the public arena. Of course, looking back I can see how stupid I looked and how silly it was, but I could not see it then because my Self was in control!

Since 2004, I have spent the years learning how to let go of the emotions. It has not been easy. It was like stepping on and off a bus. Sometimes I would react and the Self would give it everything it had, and at other times I had it in control. As I stated earlier, it is not good to hold the emotions in, nor is it good to react either. Actually both waste energy. Surprisingly, one wastes energy demonstrating their emotions and yet, when one stifles them, one holds in the energy. Energy contained is energy that becomes dis-ease and eventually disease. We then have to use energy to heal the disease and make ourselves well. In addition, we do not realize just how much emotion we have carried inside us from past lives. Energy does not go away until we deal with it, but letting it out can also cause problems for those around us who are usually the whipping posts for our energy! Whether it be an animal in our house or a human being, they take the brunt of our emotions, often taking them into their own energy.



Our emotions rule our lives. While we have emotions, we have no chance of raising our vibration or of moving forward on our life path. Recently, I got to see what our emotions do to us and I also watched myself as I used to be. It was quite an interesting experience. We are all emotional beings. I will admit that there are some people who do not demonstrate their emotions outwardly. These people feel them, but do not express them. Actually, holding the emotions in is one of the worst things one can do. I can hear you asking, “But if we hold it in, surely that is doing what you tell us to do, not give it any energy,” but it is not. One has to not care about what is said or done to us – give it no energy – but that does not mean to say that we do not have compassion, understanding, or even love for the situation or person involved.

When we hold it in, the energy stays within. When we react, we waste energy by being concerned and reacting (usually) with a great deal of energy. The Self part of us is our emotions and the emotional body. It is an actor and it loves the drama that emotions bring. I have said many times that I was an Oscar winning performer. When my Self was in control, it would squeeze each emotion for all it was worth, feeling sorry for itself, and acting just as if it were in one of the TV soap operas. I was not only that way in this lifetime, but also in other lifetimes. It was a recurring theme, and my Self loved it. Trying to stop reacting to things is very hard. All of my life I got so upset over people hurting me and I gave energy to all of it. As I look back I say, “What a waste of energy it was!”


Working for Spirit – Final Words

If you are considering doing what I did and offering yourself to Spirit to work with them, then do know it will not be easy as you will set up a chain of events which your Self will definitely not like. Worse still, if you postpone it until another life, it will just be the same then as it is now. It can actually get a lot worse because, with each incarnation you go through and do not face the issues you have chosen to learn, it gets a lot harder. The issues will still need to be addressed at some time in future incarnations. You can run away, but eventually it will catch up with you, often when you do not expect it.

It is hard, there is no doubt about it. I have gone through it and survived although, as I stated earlier, many times I wanted to run away and go back to my boring, ordinary life. The worst thing of all is the loss of friends due to what you are doing – even family will leave. Often they become terrified at what you are doing and pull away from you. This is enough to make anyone want to reconsider their new path.

As I look back down the path of life until now, I cannot believe I have done it and survived the journey. I know that if I can do it, you can also. I do not want to come back and do it again. It can either be a hard path or an easy path to walk on. It is up to you. The rewards do not come for some time, but they do come, and everyone needs to know that. There is a reward at the end of the road. That reward is peace of mind and a feeling of sheer and utter bliss that nobody can explain. Don’t balk at the journey. Start it and take one step at a time.

Working for Spirit – Continued

Once one has paid back the karma and dealt with the debts, then the path becomes a lot clearer and easier! As I stated earlier in this blog, Spirit will work with us while we are working through this, but they cannot help us to do it. Usually they are there to help with intuition and in giving us what we need to help our clients, but they have to let us work out our own stuff for ourselves. Only when they see us having problems will they come in through a third party and help us.

In my case it was my friend, Jenny, who would give me the answers, but only after I was exhausted in trying to find the answers myself. I think also they leave us alone to try and find the answers because it tests us in whether the answers come from our Self or our Higher Self. I say to my students that, if you open the door to metaphysics, then be prepared to open up a can of worms! It really is a long hard road, but the reward at the end is worth it. And what is that reward? Never to have to come back to the earth plane again! If we can do that, it is worth everything we go through on that path.

During my 14 years of working at fighting my fears and paying back karma, I was always taken care of financially by Spirit. I never wanted for anything I needed financially and, although it was often given at the last minute, what I needed would always be there. After the UN talk, finances flowed a lot easier (and also came in huge sums), which enabled me to do Maitreya’s work without worry or concern of how I was going to do it. As I raised my vibration, it became easier financially.


Working for Spirit – Continued

The more I released from the past though (and there was heaps of stuff as the years went by), the more the Higher Self was able to function. For 14 years – despite my being a very respectable reader/healer/past-life therapist/ teacher/astrologer – the Self had control over me. It was not until after 1999 that the Higher Self really began to kick in and was then able to lead me and guide me to solutions to deal with the Self part of me and not have me in so much fear of it. Yes, I was lucky to have such a teacher as Maitreya, but even though his presence in my life was strong, he could not do anything to help me, as I needed to find the answers on my own. At times, it was not easy. Maitreya’s love and guidance, though, was an incredible help during that time despite his not being able to help me at times.

Like everyone else – despite having a master teacher to help me – I was alone in going through it. My students have said that they do not know how I did it as they have me to question and to give them the answers, but I did do it and feel proud of the fact I did it on my own.

Even when I went with Alan and the past-life energy began to emerge, my Self had a field day until I was able to face the fear and move away from it. It was a very strong energy, and the Self did not want to give it up. Alan’s Self also had fun coming in and making the fear worse, as tones in his voice and certain actions triggered the memory of that past life we had spent together. Finally, in 2009, I was free of it, but it had been quite a struggle over the previous five years.