I remember feeling a number of definite fears at the time I made the change in 1992: fear of not being liked where I was going on the new path, fear of failure, fear of losing what I had (surprisingly I had nothing at the time), fear of rejection, fear of not succeeding, fear, fear, fear! The Higher Self, as I stated previously, looked upon the whole experience as an adventure, new energy, a chance to see something new, to open new doors, but the Self began to win – hands down. Thankfully, my then-husband had decided to pursue me for virtually everything I owned. He had a garage sale of all of my personal possessions and took almost every cent out of our bank account, leaving me with $5 for a whole load of new stock I had just bought for my shop. He took the stock out of the shop at 5:00am one morning, leaving me an empty shop and an empty crystal cabinet. Had he been able to take that I honestly know he would have done it, but it was too heavy. My ex-husband was a part of the plan of the Universe to move me on. All I could see at the time was the pain and hurt he was causing me. I was angry and I could not see the eventual bigger picture that would enable me to not only improve my salary, but give me fame and recognition in New Zealand. This is what the Self does to us: it crushes our spirit, stops us from making change, and creates confusion in our life – which we allow.
Three years ago, I wrote to one of my students, informing her that Maitreya had told her she needed to think about leaving her job and move into metaphysics full time. She did not write back to me for almost a week and then it was to talk about fear. How would she manage financially? I told her that she needed to begin thinking about change. She was terribly unhappy in her job since she had found metaphysics, but she would not face that fact.